Here is a sample from my first draft:

The ability to create more effective treatment plans could change and save the lives of many patients. Many diseases are not treated quickly with just one solution; many diseases don’t have just one treatment because every human reacts different to the disease and the treatment. In the research article Clinical research of traditional Chinese medicine in big data era by Junhua Zhang and Boli Zhang, it gives a comparison of the medical developments happening in different times and how it is improving. The article reads “It was pointed out in the World Health Organization Report 1998 that the medical purpose was to improve the human capability of maintaining healthy, and in the 21st century, the main task of medical development would shift from treatment of diseases to maintaining healthy life [1]. The medical models will be transformed from treatment only to the 4Ps model: prevention, prediction, personalization and participation [2]. The strategy for the healthcare system will also be adjusted by switching its focus from disease prevention and treatment to the reduction of the occurrence and progression of chronic diseases.” The generation of big data can help doctors to decide a patient’s treatment plan based on their genes and how certain medications and treatments worked with other patients with similar genes. However, this is only possible if people’s medical records are available for comparison. The journal article also discusses how data for these comparisons needs to be generated from a lot of trials and patients rather than just a few. Clinical trials can be done to gather data but they have specific protocols and regulations which makes them difficult to gather data from because any small errors can mess up the entirety of the trials.

Here is a sample from my final draft:

The ability to create more effective treatment plans could change and save the lives of many patients. Many diseases are not treated quickly with just one solution; many diseases don’t have just one treatment because every human reacts different to the disease and the treatment. This is where big data would come in; the data that we need to generate big data for treatments could be attained through past patients medical records and other data sources. These records could drastically change the success of treatment plans and could provide useful data for preventative medicine. In the research article Clinical research of traditional Chinese medicine in big data era by Junhua Zhang and Boli Zhang, it gives a comparison of the medical developments happening in different times and how it is improving. The article reads “It was pointed out in the World Health Organization Report 1998 that the medical purpose was to improve the human capability of maintaining healthy, and in the 21st century, the main task of medical development would shift from treatment of diseases to maintaining healthy life [1]. The medical models will be transformed from treatment only to the 4Ps model: prevention, prediction, personalization and participation [2]. The strategy for the healthcare system will also be adjusted by switching its focus from disease prevention and treatment to the reduction of the occurrence and progression of chronic diseases.” The method of prevention is already a huge goal in the medical field and could lead to other great methods to keep people healthy. The generation of big data can help doctors to decide a patient’s treatment plan based on their genes and how certain medications and treatments worked with other patients with similar genes. However, this is only possible if people’s medical records are available for comparison. The journal article also discusses how data for these comparisons needs to be generated from a lot of trials and patients rather than just a few. Clinical trials can be done to gather data but they have specific protocols and regulations which makes them difficult to gather data from because any small errors can mess up the entirety of the trials.

Learning Outcome 1:

In high school I really didn’t know how to revise my essays and papers. I understood that I had to fix punctuation, grammar and spelling but that’s all I did to revise my papers because I didn’t realize there was other things to revise. Like what Nancy Somers said in Revision Strategies of Student Writers and Experienced Adult Writers, “The students have strategies for handling words and phrases….What they lack, however, is a set of strategies that help them identify the “something larger” that they sensed was wrong and work from there.” She points out that students don’t realize that there is more to the revision process than the simple stuff. Once I joined English 110 my revision process changed drastically. I learned that I had to revise both globally and locally. I had no clue what these were at first and it took me a while to understand how I was supposed to conduct these types of revisions. However, now that I know what local and global revision are, I have a more complete and accurate way of revising my papers. The first part of our revision process has been to do peer reviews which actually helps my own revision process because I make comments on their papers and it helps me to realize whether I included or excluded the type of error I was commenting on in theirs. Once I finally start to revise my paper I always start with global revision. For example, in my big data paper I worked a lot on framing and adding more sources. Then I would work on local revision after because the claims and their supporting evidence are important to the idea of the paper rather than grammar and punctuation.